Sunday Rant

Beep. Hi ! Oh well, let me count for how many months have I been on hiatus...well. I suck at maths. Hah! So, a lot of things have been going on in my life and aha I feel like ranting right now. I mean like FINALLY I HAVE MY TIME TO RANT THAT I WANT TO CRY BLOOD. okay. Hyperbole detected. /clears throat/ So, what am I saying again ? Ah. Ranting. It's almost end of the sem- no. More to the semester has already ends, except for finals which is a week to come.

Summary of semester two ? Should I say suck ? But not really. It might be suck but there's always a silver lining behind every cloud. Semester two is when everyone is tested with various challenges; assignments (as usual), friendships, relationships and etc. As for me, it is a mixture of assignments and friendship. Back in semester one I believe I had told you people about those crazy peeps that I call family right. Hah. I'm quite sad to say, the family word does not have any meaning to certain people. (I guess.)

The most accurate expression! Well, off with that. I'll just wish for them to have a happy life with their new bunch of friends. Hopefully, they'll never leave those new friends. 

Well, another thing is assignments. This semester for sure, we have lots and lots of group assignments. Talking about group assignments, I mean GROUP. It is supposed to be a whole lot easier since group, where everyone should take responsibility and work together as a group. However, it didn't go well as it is supposed to be. It is kind of frustrating that these people never realised their responsibility, keep on complaining they are busy as if I am not. Yeah right. It feels like people are just using me for the sake of assignments. Maybe you don't meant to do that way but yeah. I am deeply hurt. No apologising either. HAHA. saddest thing. Well. Let's move on. 

I still have insecurity issue with my body, more specific, my weight. Bam. Ah well. Three months of holiday. Hopefully, I can weigh down within that three months. /praying hard/  It's not that I am not thankful of what I am right now. It's just. I need to love myself more. But. Duh. should I say I am obsessed with being pretty ? Past affects me a lot. hah.  well. /scratches head/ I'm becoming lazier to continue. qwertyuiopasdfghjkl /mentally cries/ I need to get back to studying so bye!

3 AM.

Assalamualaikum and a very very good morning. Okay,like seriously,this sounds like a speech- um. I mean the introductory part. Dan kenapa aku menulis entry di pagi buta ini ? Tepat pukul 3 pagi. /sighs deeply dengan hidung yang kurang berfungsi dengan baik disebabkan oleh flu yang melanda/ Actually,I was sleeping rather early last night dan tiba-tiba terbangun untuk ke toilet around 2 AM,dan lepas tu,mata ni tak mampu untuk meneruskan tidur. I have no idea of why. Phone pulak aku letakkan dalam silent mode kerana takmau any gangguan semasa tidur 'kononnya' but then, I ended up wide awake,dengan kepala yang sedikit berat since I have been lacking of sleep. And here I am starting to write my blog again, having something to share with all of my readers. I don't know if my entry would be a beneficial one or nah- but here's the thing. It came deeply from the bottom of my heart,based on my very own experience and I am still trying to learn about the world,the people around me and even improving myself for the better. Whoever I will be in the future, is what I am made from the past. My past and today would make me a better person in future or either way round. So, here it is.

My life has been a really dull one,and why dull ? Because I was a wallflower, very introvert, never initiating a conversation unless one's start it first, but often, I made the conversation died with a sudden gush of wind passing by. Nahah. A bit overreacting but yeahah. Reasons of becoming a wallflower? One,I was a fat- almost going to the obesity level-girl and that results in two, I have a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery low self-esteem that 0.0001 % is not even reachable. For that, at that very time, most of the thing that I often think whenever I talk to the people around me is "would they like me ?" "what actually they think of me?" "Oh God,I am like freaking fat they would hate me." "Everyone hates me for being fat.""No no I don't deserve this world full of perfect people." "I wish to die."

"I wish to die." The last thought. Yes. I do have this wish back then. But do not judge me. I am,thankfully,still alive and well,breathing the fresh air instead of being lifelessly underground, covered with white cloth. Alhamdulillah,despite my immature wish, Allah let me live. So, during school holiday in 2008,I have made a decision that is to change my life,myself and my lifestyle. With the support of my very own beloved mummy, I lose about 10kg in a year. By 2010, I changed completely. I look even slimmer, I bought new jeans since the one that I always wore last time were all loose. Changes size from XL to M. And finally having a curve instead of that straight-filled with fat-looking body. Since then, I have been quite renowned in school, I have been more confident to talk, I participated in a lot of school activities such as English Parliamentary Debate (which I really loved to do and still loving it a lot),Bahasa Melayu Parliamentary Debate,English Drama,Syarahan Agama, and etc. I took participation a lot in debate though I seemed like a very quiet person. /coughs/ Early reminder, do not mess with me because I can always find a point to argue on if I am not that lazy. ha-ha.

Why am I even talking about this? To make you change your looks ? or visual? To make you feel insecure of your own self ? Nah. No. A person's personality does not depends on one's looks or weight or height or even skin colour. It depends on you, your choice, on how you want to be ?You want to be good or to be bad,your choice to make. Weight,height and looks are just a bonus, if you have like a pretty or handsome face, or a perfect body curve and all that.The thing here is, as I grow up, I realized, beauty does not lies within a perfect body nor good looks. Real beauty comes within a person with a good heart,a big confidence and an amount of love. You may have looks, but if you have some kind of shitty mouth then, TA-DAH, sorry you're UGLY. Different people has different way to gain their confidence,so none of us have any rights to judge them. Some may wear thick make-ups, some may wear branded clothings, some for example me; works hard to lose weight in an appropriate way. I don't take any pills or supplements, The only thing I did is working out with a mini gym in my petite little house. Haha. Oh, for that, I have quite like muscular arms and legs or maybe some abs at that time but now everything turned into fats again because I have been lazy to work out these days.

So,what am I trying to say is, you make your choice or your choice makes you. If you choose to improve and be a better person,then be it. It is not changing you. It is called improving. It's like Iphone , being upgraded to Iphone 4s and iphone 5 to,5c and soon 5s, something pretty much like that. They improved how it looks and the things inside (excuse me,I forgot the terms because I don't speak tech language muahaha). Yeah, sort of. You are you and you choose what you are. You make what you are. Not a person living in this earth have rights to judge you for what you do, (unless, if you choose to be a criminal then, I'll reconsider whatever I am saying..). Here's a last one before I end, do not bother whatever people say. Take whatever mockery or sarcasms as a motivation to succeed and get what you dreamed of. They may say it is impossible for you to achieve, but then, ignore them. We wouldn't know what luck you have in there and with a bit of perseverance and determination, you will succeed ! I have been preaching for like an hour. I have officially finished writing this entry at sharp 4AM. I don't know if what I am trying to say related to each other but I am just telling what I have been through and what I have learnt from it. Till we meet next time, with another life experience (hopefully). Goodbye. (:

Welcome to University Life.

Beep beep. Ceeh. Cliche betul. uhm. /clears throat/ haaa. Okay kawan kawan sekalian. teehee. Agak awkward rasanya setelah tidak menulis entry untuk sekian lama. Tapi ku gagahkan jua diri ini untuk menulis satu entry baru. hahaha. So, a lot of things has been happening to me lately and some of it are good and of course,would be bad things as well. It's like a payback something haha. Well. So,where am I studying as of for now? Curious? No? Well,okay. I am still going to tell you peeps. I am now and currently studying in UPSI which stands for Universiti Pendidikan Sultan Idris. It's in Perak,in case if you guys did not acknowledge it. How's life has been in UPSI? well well, I should say it's been great for now since I found quite a lot of peeps and I shall say TESLians ROCKS!

Seee seeeee how crazy and random and omg I just love them peeps ! hahaha. We just met but it feels like we've known each other since fetus years. yeahoo. lmao ! 

Nah, my roommate and housemates are awesome too okay.

mereka mereka ini cantik2 belaka. hahaha yas sila jeles. okno. me,madi,ana and su. haha housemates comey giteww. okay. so erm erm. nak cita apa lagi eh ? cukup la kan ? till next time la. haha. if and only if jari jari kementot ku ini rajin hendak menaip then adalah news kan. hihihi. till next time. ciao bebes /lambai tangan macam princess gitew/

Independent and Strong

Assalamualaikum & helloooooo ! HOMG everyone guess lama dah aku tak update blog kan kan ? ohnooo dah berhabuk habis dapat ukur tebalnya lebih seinci pulak tuuu. /sighs/ okay. pi bersihkan belog skang jgak. haha. sapu sapu. fuhh fuhh go away dust ~ ohkay. done done. cukup cukup sudaaaah. haha fine. alamak mencarut melebih lebih pulak makcik ni. almaklong la. lama dah tak menulis entry. oops silap. MENAIP. okay. so, sekarang cik kak ni dah further study at Kolej Matrikulasi Labuan . Alhamdulillah itew kat sini sihat sihat belaka. kay. nak story apa ekk ? hmm yeahh. so, first time berpuasa berjauhan dari family /sobs/ kesiann/ haha. pagi pagi sahur sendiri dengan room mate. room mate aku sorg je yg Muslim. so, yeah. but seriously semua roommate aku gempak2 belaka. lol. nak nak aje aku ketawa bila jumpa dorg, why ? because they're awesome just like i am. =w= lol menggedik datang. whatever je la but my roommates tetap aweshumm. cakap pasal puasa sensorang ni kan, rindu pulak dengan masakan mak ! especially bubur pedas and bubur chacha yang mak selalu buat umphhh sedap gila. kat sini xdak bubur pedas sebab bubur tu asal sarawak punya. kat sini glemer nasik ayam dara. aku pun tak tau la apa pasal dorg letak nama ayam tu dara but yeah, dia rasa macam ayam penyet. pasai rempah tu kott. murtabak pun susah nak jumpa kat sini. kawan aku pi carik tak jumpa2. alahai kesian dia. takpa takpa. 3 haribulan ni kitorang balik pi serbu semua jenis makanan kat hometown yummehh. :3 sedap punyaaaa ! dah dah. sudah sudahla pasal makanan, kecur air liur menaip ni. lol XD

ahem. so, well, kolej baru, crush pun baru. lol no. actually aku tak plan pun nak jatuh suka dengan mamat ni. haishh. kat sini aim aku nak study je. but yeah, feelings kan,datang tak diundang and tak dijangka. the story begins when..

cara aku jumpa dia agak unik. lol unik bagi aku laa. masa tu kitorang outing for the first time in Labuan, nak beli barang barang keperluan. one of the place yang famous kat sini is UK. what ? repeat. haha. okay. korang tak silap baca. memang UK but not united kingdom, it's Ujana Kewangan. hahaha amacam ? kick kan namanya ? so, dekat UK ni ada satu supermarket free-duty and of course menjadi tumpuan pelajar kolej macam kitorang ni. dipendekkan cerita, i met him there. kisah ni agak cliche. macam dalam cerita selalu, when a guy saw a girl tengah sibuk pilih barang but the thing is i jadi watak hero.lol XD i saw him choosing and scanning the stuffs dengan riak wajahnya yang "nak beli ke tak" ,di situ aku mula attracted kat dia. tapi aku tak la peduli sangat bcause i thought, alaa dia bukan budak kolej kitorang pun. and then, i don't know it's destiny or fate or coincidence or what but aku selalu jumpa dia kat situ asal keluar outing. there's one particular day aku dok blakang dia aje dalam van and i was like smiling sampai ke telinga, and tak boleh lari dari tengok dia even back view je. /sobs/  sejak hari tu, aku pun selalu la nampak dia kat kolej. masa karnival fizik tu, aku dgn classmates aku pi dok kafe, makan makan. then dia ada kat situ an dok selang dua meja but berhadapan dengan aku. my classmate pun tegur la aku, "weyh bukan ke tu crush kau?" dia tanya. i was like nak menjerit fangirling bagai. aduhai. malunya. so, macam biasa. i blushed and senyum senyum sorang. insane. XD rasanya dia perasan kot so dia main phone. there's one day too, bila aku bertembung dengan dia dekat walkway, aku terus tersenyum lebar and tundukkan kepala sebab eksaited sangat lol m classmate kata dia senyum kat aku but idk. haha mintak2 la dia memang senyum kat aku. :3 at least, dia perasan yang aku wujud dah cukup. rather than he had no memory of me at all. well, perasaan seseorang yang meminati dalam diam. haha. okay aku tak bagitau pun kalau aku suka. aku lebih suka berdiam. sebab aku sweet. haha. no la. i'm just shy, plus, he's smart. mentor physics pulak tu. /sobs/ so sebab dia la i nak study hard like there's no tomorrow. let him know who i am, and aku tak nak la nampak macam kurang pandai depan dia. so, guise, cheer for me mkaay ? :3 love you guise banyak banyak. okay. i guess stakat tu jaa. hari pun dah lewat. kang terlajak sahur macam pagi tadi. haishh. assignment melambak aje ni. kay bye . Assalamualaikum :)

Rock and Roll

Assalamualaikum. ohh heyyyy~ windu tak aku ? mesti korg windu sesangat an an ? haha. menyampah. --" eh eh, tengok lagu blog kita dah tukar la. best tak lagu tu ? tu lagu dari kdrama yg aku tengok sejak aku habis spm. shut up flower boy band. serious best gila. aku paling suka myungsoo infinite. dia main electric guitar pergghhh. jelly nak jugak ! haha. eh jelly nak jugak ? apa apa lah kau. hmm.lepas balik dari vacation kat sabah aku pun tak tahu nak buat apa sebenarnya. pelik. nak study ? study apa ? study tido adalah. hihii. lepas ni pulak plkn. aku dah dapat surat daa. hmm. banyak urusan lepas ni. well, takla banyak sangat. saja je nak buat bunyi macam banyak.

Aktiviti aku lepas spm ni, buat fanfics baru, try compose lagu. hmm. gila aku dibuatnya. haha. okay,tak segila masa spm dulu. hiks. progress guitar pulak, well, beginners. slama ni aku main guna android je perghh senangla. life made easy. tapi kalau guna yg real more feeling,and aku sng nak cipta tune lagu. hmm. punyalah sakit jemari aku bermain dengan frets. errrrghh. --" process belajar. ayah cakap memang main guitar mula mula macam tu. lama lama biasa,n main pun dah tak payah tengok part mana nak ditahan. pro macam tu la. nak jadi pro memang ambik masa. well, belajar kan. kita kena merangkak satu persatu. tak ada istilah belajar sekali terus pandai. practice kena ada. kan usaha tu penting ? see? macam belajar perkataan kecik kecik dulu. kalau tak tahu  abc, tak tahu la suku kata nak eja macam k-a,ka,k-i,ki,kaki. kan kan ? k aku tahu you alls tahu macam mana you alls buat kecik kecik dulu. hiks.

kenapa aku minat music ? sebab aku suka. sejak aku budak lagi aku minat music. aku nyanyi sana,nyanyi sini. aku minat nak main instrumen. tapi aku bukan datang dari keluarga berada,so, piano semua, aku tak pernah sentuh. keluarga aku cukup cukup makan je. sebab tu aku tahu apa yang aku patut buat. aku minat music,aku minat jugak bidang kedoktoran. so, i decided in my life, aku nak ambik kedoktoran habis ijazah pe semua, beli benda yg aku nak, electric guitar,lepas tu buat music pada masa senggang. perancangan jangka panjang pulak dah. sekarang aku cuma mampu berdoa yang perancangan aku ni mampu berjalan lancar. hihii.  okay, done with that.

so , a friend texted me, saying my best friend yang sorg lagi is not single. i mean  she got someone. tak bagitau aku pun ? serious, jahat la awak. kita kawan ke apa ni ? huh. takpe la. just want to know the man who opened your heart. org yang you betul betul cinta ke whatever or orang yg kita x tahu ? takpe lah. org taknak bagitahu kita tak paksa. kang aku pulak yang kena teghajang sebab menyibuk aje. --" eh tak mo ah. lepas tu another bestfriend of mine texted me last night. she said she had confessed to her crush. i was like, whoaaaaa ? really ? debum debam jatuh tergolek at tangga. haha. k tipu. tu unsur hiperbola. --" so she said yes. wah mesti lega la kan sebab dah confess. k dia ni lagi pemalu dari aku orangnya,but entah why aku rasa aku lagi pengecut dari dia. see see ? betapa senangnya dan tenangnya hidup dia bila dah confess ? perggh. cakap senangla. kan ? seriously jealous la kat dia sebab ada courage macam tu. at least kan, dia tak regret. she told him and that's the right thing to do. hmm. tau pun tapi aku sendiri tak buat.  :/

so, another friend, the one who texted me yg first tadi, okay, kata yg aku mesti happy masuk plkn sebab nak cari jodoh kat sana. eh eh. sedap mulut hang cakap. awat hang tak tanya aku dulu ? aku tak desperate la. bunyi tu macam desperate sangat pulak aku. so aku nak tegaskan di sini bahawa, aku tidak mencari kekasih atau pasangan hidup dan sebagainya gelaran yang sesuai dekat plkn okay. plkn is plkn. kawan je la. bunyi tu macam aku ni nak menggatal menggedik tak tentu pasal je. eh bukan aku sungguh bukan aku. hmm. okay la. rasanya karangan aku malam ni agak panjang. hihii. puas baca ? seronok ? perggh. takyah tipu,korang tak baca pun. singgah pun tak. kecik hati. tak nak belanja mekdi la. haha. k mengada. okaylah y'alls. good night. sweet dreams. pelu ke nak xoxo ? macam Dian istanbul aku datang lak. k gediks. haha. bye~

not over yet. it's not.

Assalamualaikum y'alls . hiks. *ketawa gedik* haha, okay okay. enough dengan gedik. --" aku rindu la blog pink aku ni. hmm. lama dah tak update an an ? k masa nilah nak update. hah. sebenarnya SPM aku not over yet. aku je menggatal nak update blog. prrr *bunyi kucing* tinggal dua paper je lagi,that is PQS and ARABIC. kagum tak ? haha. arabic ni la aku agak risau. menulis karangan sepanjang 150 patah kata. well well kalau BM bantai je dah lebih 150. arab lak ? hmm. sebab tu kena hafal wok.mujurlah ustaz ada bagi karangan untuk dihafal. :') terharu sobbs sobs.

hah. lepas spm ni pulak..aku akan berkhidmat untuk negara, :') sobs. yg terpilih antara ribuan pelajar berumur 17 tahun di negara ini. adakah sebab nama aku bermula daripada huruf A? haha k fine. hakikat yang aku kena terima. okay siyez aku tak sabar nak habis ni. next week je. okay aku kena bertahan. 2 papers left. sabar fuhh fuhh. lepas tu yeahh holiday to Sabah ! :3 that's all lovelies. bye. :)

Kekeliruan kecelaruan minda atau hati ?

Assalamualaikum.. Ehemm. Yeah. Minggu ni selesai dah 4 subject spm. 7 more to go. Hihi. Lepas tu berkhidmat untuk negara tercinta ini. Sobs. K tanak cite sal spm. Tak psl2 stress nanti. Ta mo ta mo. So emm emm. Ya ya now msa cuti sminggu. Yay yay. Okay. Sebenarnya aku sangat celaru keliru confuse whatever la dgn dia ni. Idk. There's a time yg dia ni mcm care psl aku. And there's a time dia annoying sgt. Okay before apa2 bday aku haritu pun dia tak wish. Gerrr. Kang bday dia aku pulak yg tlebih smgt nak wish. AMacam ? haizz. Takkan. Okay aku ada reputasi utk djaga. Cewahh. Reputasi la sgt hengkauu.rmm emm. Aku tak tahu nak merapu apa lagi mlm ni.tah tak do idea la kan. Hmm hmm. Kbye .

Lazy Sunday

Assalamualaikum. ehems.  okay hello. syukur Alhamdulillah rasa rajin pulak nak update blog hari ni. okay. update blog je rajin kay. nak sekolah esok rasa malas pulak. rasa macam tak cukup tido. uhuu. start hari sabtu hari tu aku puasa 6. hari ni tak. aku terlajak waktu sahur. serious alarm dah berbunyi tapi aku pi tido balik. eh eh, jangan dok gelak kat aku. aku tau hangpa semua mesti penah macam ni kan ? tak payah dok tipu aku. hiks. rasa nak buat Gangnam style je . haha. gila bosan aaa. tu pun tadi aku dah main guitar memang lagu cnblue je aku mainkan hari ni. ehe. monster bigbang ada gak but yeah, lagu tu nampak sentimental gila guna guitar. lepas ni nak try bass pulak. mesti besh an an. hiks. kay sekarang dah boring tahap gaban sampai aku takde idea. huhh. meh jom sama sama buat gangnam style. meh ekot aku. huahaa.

homework aku dah siapkan semua except fizik. tak pe aa. paper 1,tak lama pun aku buat. hihii. umm umm nak cakap apa lagi ekk ? err err okay tu je. rasa malas pulok. haha. k bye peeps.

kehidupan : there's a silver lining behind every cloud

Assalamualaikum. ehee. dah lama aku tak update blog kan ? well well, busy dengan trial spm and latih tubi, homeworks and alasan yang sebenar-benarnya aku mempunyai tahap kemalasan yang teramat sangat untuk mengemas kini blog. hihi. so, memandangkan kerajinan tiba-tiba hadir dalam diri untuk mengemas kini blog, silakan baca. tak nak pun tak payah. engko blah sekarang. haha. kay, gurau je aa. so, hmm. sepanjang aku tak update blog, banyak perkara aku dah lalui dan aku tahu semua perkara tu, ada hikmah di sebaliknya. tak perlulah aku nak bagitahu semua perkara tu kan. just yeah, if there's anything bad happens to you guys, please and please, jangan cepat lemah semangat. either in relationship,study,family or whatever it is, please, i'm begging you, jangan lemah semangat. okay. kita bagi example one by one. so, relationship. you suka dia dia suka you you guys couple and then one day dia cakap let's break up or you suka dia but dia tak suka you. most people around me ,bila benda macam tu terjadi, they cried. cakap yang they can't live without that particular person or you guys rasa rendah diri yang menebal. inferioritry complex. mesti dia tak suka aku sebab aku tak cantik and etc. aku tahu sebab aku pernah rasa benda yang sama. faham sangat. but that was before. sekarang aku sedar, tak guna menangis untuk perkara macam tu. you all fikir, masa ni, you all better focus on study rather than this lovey dovey things,and girls, you will not die without a guy by your side and so do guys. now, in exam, boleh ke dorang ni tolong you all ? in pmr,spm ? dapat ke nak pass pass jawapan kat korang ? tak kan ? lepas tu, if either one of you succeed, dapat ke dia nak share kejayaan tu dengan you all ? dia berjaya, you all dapat ke nak masuk U or mana mana kolej dengan kejayaan dia? tak kan ? i mean, tak salah la kalau you all nak couple ke apa. but this is just some advice to those yang patah hati. okay. break up tak bermakna kiamat or your life is over. i emphasised on this because banyak sangat dah orang sekeliling aku yang lemah semangat sebab benda ni. no, please don't. don't let that someone ruin your future. kenapa you all pilih derita sedangkan dia dah bahagia dengan yang lain ? kan ? you should enjoy your life too. hey tunjuk lemah depan dia tak memungkinkan dia kembali kepada you all okay. be strong. always remember Allah. be optimistic.Allah maybe dah prepare someone better for you. kan ? see.  Allah maha Adil,pengasih dan penyayang. Dia turunkan semua ni untuk uji kita. so, jangan lemah semangat. and satu lagi, please don't hurt yourself okay. tak kesian ke dekat parents ? tak takut ke kepada Allah ? kenapa perlu menyusahkan parents hanya disebabkan oleh seseorang yang tak pedulikan kita ? ingatlah. jasad kita hanya pinjaman daripada Allah. so jaga elok-elok macam kita jaga buku teks yang kerajaan sediakan. so, ladies and gentlemen, always remember,there's a silver lining behind every cloud. be strong. there's always someone better ! Allah kan dah ciptakan kita manusia berpasang-pasangan. jangan takut lah ! there's going to be someone for you. so, that's all. tadaa~

is he the one or just a dream that wouldn't come true?

Assalamualaikum all :D hmm. lama dah aku tak update blog ni sampai berhabuk dah kan ? rindu tak ? hihii~ kay,perasan. hmm. baru hari ni rasa rajin , rajin sikitlah nak update ,sebab selama ni sibuk sangat plus percubaan spm aku yang masih belum habis lagi. -.-' umm umm so nak cakap pasal apa ekk ? tak ada idea sangat sebab semua aku dah curahkan masa exam Bio hari ni tadi. huhu~ okay takpe. aku baru teringat. hehe. hmm..masa berbuka puasa tadi, papa bawa kita pergi makan dekat hotel. hotel apa ,shh rahsia. haha. kay. so, aku jadi tukang ambil makanan, kan buffet. nenek and atuk tak larat nak pi jalan jejauh. aku waitress sekejap hari ni. waitress tercantik kat situ. haha. yelah sangat. hmm beratur punya beratur, turn yang entah keberapa dah lepas aku ulang alik ulang alik ambil lauk apa semua,aku berdiri di belakang seorang lelaki ni...he's kind of tall, tapi tak tinggi sangat. about 170cm ,i guess. and he was like the last man on earth when i saw him. so, aku balik tempat duduk lepas ambil lauk apa semua.lepas tu, tibalah masa berbuka.makan punya makan and i'm done. so aku duduk kat seat aku macam orang entah apa apa. haha. then, tiba tiba dia pergi lalu kat depan aku. lepas tu i was like ,' isn't this the guy yang dekat depan aku tadi ?he..he..he...he's hot ! ' and mencair macam coklet. -.-' okay seriously bila dia jalan pun aku dapat rasakan charms and aura dia tu.dia just simple, wearing grey tshirt and black jeans but i swear, he still looked great. mak aku ingat aku tengok orang yang tengah buat drama dekat luar hotel tu. haha. no lah. i was looking at an angel. eh. silap. -.-' like seriously, aku tak dapat halang diri daripada memikirkan siapakah gerangan lelaki tersebut. oh tidak oh tidak. rambut dah stylo. memang, kemas pulak . memang. memang memang my dream prince ! kalau masuk plkn rambut stylo mcm tu, hm hmm, taaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkk boleh terjadiiiiiiii !mesti kena gunting punyaaa.. but still kan, apa-apa hairstyle pun dia nampak hensem, i mean, selagi pendek. masa dia balik tu kan.. kan, aku rasa macam, oh no aku tak tahu nama kau or your fb either.. you're just so mystery. macam lagu beast. -.-' so, adakah mungkin aku akan erjumpa kau lagi lepas ni, or it would just be a dream, yang aku kejar kejar and confirm tak dapat ? or ianya seperti kisah kisah hati aku yang lain, yang tak pernah jadi kenyataan ?hmm entahlah. serahkan pada Allah je. :) i know Allah saves the best one for me. Amiin. ^-^ okay la guys, dah lewat sangat dah ni. aku tak nak mengaktifkan proses kejadian pimples pimples ni. -.-' so, goodnight. sleep well, jangan lupa cuci kaki, baca doa sebelum tidur. :)

A Wonderful Moment

Assalamualaikum bloggahhh. umm. aku tahu dah pagi, pembetulan, awal pagi, pembetulan lagi, pagi buta. haha. okay, gila. -.-' so, hari ni , i attended umm, March Unity 2012, whereby, they organised a short film competition and 3 of them were selected to the final.so, I went to RH Hotel, they were going to let viewers to cast a vote on who should win. They were three films; Rojak, High School Life and Si Kucing. it was great and i obtained some valuable experience and ya, met some other races and religions. well, that's what the purpose actually, i guess. because it was all about Smile Unity. so, this non -profit organisation seems interesting to me. yeah. :) guess that's all. i'm feeling sleepy and i gues i've made so much iBags to be sold tomorrow. wanna buy ? special price. haha. *kay slap with guitar* kbyeee !

Love Yourself [Part 1]

Assalamualaikum bloggers. Ai ai. rindu ngan aku takk ? kfine aku tahu you alls rindu aku yang femes ni. mekasihh. *nak minta kena lempang* oh agak lama jugak aku tidak menulis dan mencurahkan rasa hati dan idea dalam blog ku ini. cewahh. ayat berbunga bagai. okay, just today, aku tak nak lah nak cerita cerita pasal hati banyak sangat. aku dah tired dan fed up, and i ,without that someone pun aku still alive and well, Alhamdulillah. :) okay, hari ni, based on things that happened around me, around you, around us, hati aku tergerak nak menulis pasal ni. Mainly for girls, because girls are so precious and special. At first, i thought i want to make a vlog about this but nevermind, i'll just write. haha. malas la nak buat vlog pulak. So, girls, as we can see today, a lot of baby dumping cases, premature marriage, pregnancy   at a premature age happened around us. It is sad, heartbreaking and disappointed to see this things happened . Semacam penyakit barah yang semakin parah. My mom is a nurse at O&G department. She said, a lot of youngsters, teenagers gave birth,seawal umur 13 tahun. sayang, masa depan musnah ,just like that.

Girls, I know, at this age, you all want love and to be loved. tipu la kalau tak ada perasaan macam tu even a slight feelings but there are several things that you need to see first. kalau lah that guy really loves you, he wouldn't dare to lay his fingers on you, faham ? even once. lelaki yang ikhlas mencitai you guys takkan buat apa-apa yang tak patut and melukakan hati you all. girls, memanglah cinta pakai hati, but there's a time that you guys need to use your brain too. jangan cinta mengkhinzir buta. tak baik. if you love someone, remember, cinta kerana Allah. jangan terlalu mencintai lelaki tu melebihi cinta you kepada Allah. and when cinta you all melebihi cinta kepada Allah, maka terjadilah kes kes menzalimi diri sendiri. kelar sana kelar sini,terjun bangunan whatever yang sewaktu dengannya. please girls, worthless. dia sedap sedap bahagia, tak fikir pun yang korang merana ,lepas tu korang buat diri semakin merana ? hey hey. if he wasn't for you, trust me, Allah dah tetapkan seseorang yang lebih baik untuk you all. No worries. That's the test. Allah bagi kat kita nak tengok kita kuat atau tidak.

Girls, mahalkan diri anda. How ? simple. tutup aurat. back then, i was a free hair girl. Terima kasih atas teguran ustazah dan guru aku, aku kini bertudung. tak sia sia aku kena sindir dekat perhimpunan and aku bersyukur, Allah turunkan orang tengah untuk sedarkan aku. now aku sedar bahawa aurat itu sangat penting untuk ditutup, baik rambut,kaki,betis, tangan, seluruh anggota kecuali muka dan tapak tangan, wajib ditutup. Wahai girls, bila korang dedah sana dedah sini, imagine how many guys would have seen you, your aurat, which is supposed to be seen by your future husband. your only husband. kesian pulak dia, jadi lelaki yang ke berapa ntah nampak aurat you. kan ? so, that's all for tonight. maybe sambung malam esok.esok ada kelas. so i hope girls, renungkan lah. :) goodnight.

Move On, Life is not Over

Assalamualaikum. :) hemm. hari ni, hari last aku nak bersedih. esok and hari hari seterusnya, aku akan cuba jalani hari-hari seperti biasa, tanpa memikirkan lagi perasaan aku dekat dia. aku rasa itu yang seafdalnya aku buat sekarang. aku pun dah tahu, dia suka someone else, and seems like he was sad too. memang hidup macam tu la kan ? orang ni suka kat kita,kita tak suka kat dia, kita suka yang sana tapi yang sana suka yang situ,tapi yang situ tak suka yang sana, yang situ suka yang itu. hemm hemm. lumrah. lepas tu the adik yang suka kat dia jugak comforted him. weiii tipu aku tak sakit. yaayaa aku sakit tapi aku pendam. lepas tu pegi muntah dekat belog. sebab malam ni, tak ada siapa nak dengar story aku. dan akhirnya aku akan nangis sensorang dalam bilik sebelum aku jadi okay keesokan harinya. tapi yang pasti aku masih mampu berfikir secara rasional dan tidak ada sedikit niat pun untuk mencederakan diri sendiri apatah lagi commit suicide kerana sudahlah menyakitkan, dosa besar pulak. hemmm. -.-' sangat tak berbaloi. mana tahu one day aku dapat hero korea yang hengssemmm ? kan ? kan ? Allah sediakan yang lagi baik untuk kita. :) sebenarnya, bagus jugak aku lalui benda benda macam ni. pengalaman mematangkan pemikiran. :') mujur aku tak jadi macam perigi cari timba kalau tak, memang aku lagi perit dan malu. kan kan ? so, malam ni, aku mendownload sebanyak mungkin lagu Kpop sebab tu je yang boleh buat aku, at least la,lupakan dia. ehemm. lupakan perasaan aku dekat dia dan menutup hati aku buat sementara waktu. lepas ni ,aku hanya nak berkawan tanpa ada apa apa perasaan lebih daripada itu sampailah aku berjaya. InsyaAllah. tapi aku tak boleh halang kalau timbul perasaan sayang sebab perasaaan itu datang daripada Allah. sekarang ni, aku berserah sahaja dan berusaha untuk spm yang mendatang. hmm. itulah hidup. cinta aku memang sentiasa one-sided love. mungkin sekarang aku menderita, tapi aku yakin ada yang lebih menderita hidupnya daripada aku. aku patut bersyukur. :) so, tu je lah for now. layan kpop. bye~

serabut serabut tension !

Assalamualaikum. yeah. kalau bukan sebab aku rasa terganggu and terbeban, aku mungkin tidak akan menulis entry ini kerana merasakan kemalasan yang teramat. grr. okay okay. kenapakah aku menjadi sebegini rupa ? hmm hmm. masalah friendship dah selesai. yaayaa. pandai jugak korang takut tengok aku marah. aku jadi macam tu bila aku marah sebab aku jarang nak marah, so bila marah meletus macam tu. okay harap faham. :) sekarang ni rasa tension first sebab aku adalah antara 12 orang harapan sekolah untuk dapat straight A dalam spm. harapan. HARAPAN. tension bebeno ni. so, now, aku mula study tahap gaban. tak main main lagi dahh. hemm. taubat . hehe. okay tu satu. second. hmm. masalah hati. ehh tak tak. bukan aku sakit. it's just, keliru. yeah yeah. and aku rasa ...ehemm..bak kata nenek aku,'clap one hand' je. haha. sila slap aku untuk penggunaan direct translation. tak pela. aku just nak cerita je. now, malas nak fikir. 'm okay. see? aku cool je. haha. tak sampai nak kelar kelar diri. wehh buat sakit aku je weii. esok nak jumpa cikgu kaunseling. yeahhh syoknyaaa. tu je kbye !

Made My Mind

Assalamualaikum semua . :) okay, after thinking rationally, finally, i came up with this solution. hemm. aku tak nak terlibat dengan apa apa relationship sehingga aku berjaya dapat apa yang aku impikan that is to further my study overseas and choose medic as my option. so, yeah. aku tak nak dengan sesiapa. hati aku tertutup untuk orang lain. entah kenapa,so i decided this solution. i promised to myself. :) see ? betapa besar impak dia kat dalam hidup aku. orang hensem pun aku rijek, apalagi yang kureng gitu. ekekek. *sila menyampah*. kay tu je. kbai. :)

'neodo nancheorom ireoke apeunji..'

Assalamualaikum. :) okay,apa jadahnya aku menyanyi lagu korea merangkap background music blog aku pulak. tibe je. haha. kays. ada sebab. hemm. canne nak citer ekk ? okay okay. bila someone yang agak rapat ngan korang likes the same guy, what you guys gonna do ? and that guy seems to remember her more than he remembers you. i mean, as if he remembered. if yes, untunglah. if not, that's freaking disappointing. so, that's the story. yesterday, i logged in my Facebook account and and, i felt quite happy at first until i saw something that felt like, heart breaking. It feels like i'm gonna cry, but tears won't flow out. really. but my heart felt like it has been stabbed several times, contract,and the wound felt so deep. She's my friend on fb so i can see her statuses, comments and blah blah. you know the normal things that friends of friends can do. so, when i saw both of them the only thing that i could do is sighing and frowning. yeah yeah. can't do anything. it hurts, hurts and really hurts. but i don't hate the girl nor anybody. :') it's her rights to like someone and i have no rights to prevent that feeling,right ? she just started to like that guy, and me, it was last year. about a year, i hide my feelings. yeah ,and so do now. i'm not as brave as she is, so she deserves it. okay fine. serves me right. *slaps slaps* the ego in me. humm. i still chatted, talked and greeted the girl as usual. pretending not to know, and keep on putting my plastic smile even though it hurts inside. yeah. you might see ,i looked like crazy in the outside, happily smiling. it's not like that i don't want people to worry about me cause i know nobody actually cares so give it an eraser. -.-'  it's just, i don't want people to see me as a weak person. no, i don't. that's what i am. i don't want to look weak. i don't want to look like i'm depending on people especially guys. see ? that's the ego. i know myself well. so, yeah. that's it.

Sunyi, Kosong

Assalamualaikum semua. uhh. dah pukul 12.28 am, tapi aku masih belum tidur. sibuk menyiapkan kerja S/U MPM aku.-.-' tiba tiba aku rasa rindu kat dia. sebab masa aku buat kerja S/U sampai lewat macam ni dulu, dia temankan aku,walaupun hanya melalui telefon and last last dia tertidur. seriously, walaupun aku benci nak mengaku, haha.okay okay,aku memang rindu dia pun. nak text ? kan phone dia hilang. sebab tu la rasa macam ni. uhh. rasa kurang bersemangat sikit nak buat kerja sebab tak ada pendorong. ish. tak best lah macam ni ! >.< rasa kosong sangat. dah tu, pagi tadi ada spotcheck mengejut kat sekolah. nasib baik aku dah tak bawak phone ke sekolah.kalau tak, frust menonggeng aku dibuatnya .hemmm. aku teringat kat dia pulak dahh. malam malam sunyi macam ni. sobs sobss. :') sambil aku melayan lagu Love Rain-Jang Geun Suk.baru 2 hari since he left dah macam ni. -.-' canne ni ? canne ? apa apa pun aku mesti kekal ceria and bersemangat. just malam malam sunyi macam ni tadi aku tiba tiba teringat kat dia. sebab dulu ada orang temankan aku buat kerja. sambil sambil aku buat kerja kitorang text. now, buat kerja sendiri je. phone ? tak berbunyi langsung. hemmm. hemm hemm. okay tu je aku nak post. rasa bosan membelenggu diri. haha. finally, kerja aku siap jugak so, goodnight and babaiii ~

Day by Day

Assalamualaikum bloggers and readers yang setia. Setia ke ? :P kay tatkala aku mulai kebosanan menyiapkan Project work addmaths, aku ambil kesempatan untuk memakan orang. ehh. tak tak. gurau je. tak naklah serius sangat. :) okay okay melalut lalat. haha. sambil sambil buat project work, aku nak merajinkan tangan menulis dalam blog ni. ehh ? aku tak pakai shortform ke ? ajaib ! haha. okay okay. so, hari ni, dia dah berangkat ke JB. :"( <----------------- expression tipu. haha. sebenarnya macam ni je. :') sepanjang time kelas tadi aku asyik tengok jam je. eleh, macamlah aku dapat nak pergi berlari kat airport just because nak jumpa dia. hampehh. eksekius mi~ (pelat makcik) ini bukan cerita korea. haha. aku pun tak tahu, tapi rasa macam kosong. bukan lagu NL okay. kosong maksud aku macam, entah. ada rasa suatu kehilangan. aku tak tahu nak explain macam mana. -.-' first time rasa macam ni. so, aku agak kurang arif. tapi agak ajaib hari ini sebab aku siapkan semua homework dalam kelas. :O ajaib nya. kecuali karangan BM je. ada 5 untuk disalin. tipu boleh siap dalam sehari. -.-' kelmarin memang drama habis la. sebab dia datang sekolah for the last time. hemm. boleh kira last time la jugak. awal pagi pukul 5 something dah aku dapat mesej dari wan Hyung, cakap dia maybe datang sekolah hari tu. aku patut bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi kalau dia datang. (*ayat ada tokok tambah. kay sorry hyung :D) ambil kesempatan ni untuk jumpa dia for the last time. but yang buat aku gelak bila baca mesej tu, hyung cakap urgent. aku ingatkan apa ke bendanya yang urgent sangat tadi. rupanya... haha. jadi, masa kelas addmath ke apa, syafiq ajak aku pergi depan blok pejabat,jumpa dia. heyyy, aku tak nak la ponteng kelas. ish. kalau cinta ngan kelas ,i'd prefer kelas, sebab menjamin masa depan. betul betul. haha. kalau artis dengan kelas, maybe aku pilih artis kot sebab jarang jarang dapat jumpa. haha. kayy gatal.
jadi, bila waktu P&P tamat, aku,Niesa,Syahmina and Fatin ke Mizana kalau tak silap, keluar la kelas. Aku nampak dia bercakap dengan syafiq dekat bilik kaunseling yang mana berhadapan dengan kelas kitorang. Aku buat buat tak nampak. see ? aku kejam. haha. sebenarnya, sebelum aku nampak dia, aku buat aegyo kat depan pintu kelas. Suruh Mieyna cepat sikit keluar sebab aku nak solat. Kalau dia dengar siyez malu. -.-'
heks. so, sebab si Mieyna ni syok baca novel, aku pun grab tangan Niesa and headed to the canteen. Lepas tu, aku pergi masjid dengan Maisa. Masa aku tengah pilih telekung, aku nampak kelibat dia kat luar tingkap. tapi tak ambil kisah sangat la sebab nak solat kan.. As soon as i had finished, aku nampak dia solat kat depan. so aku tengok la sementara menunggu si Maisa lipat telekung. Last time aku tengok dia solat. :') tak jugak last time la. memang tipu. macam takkan jumpa lagi daa. hampeh. lepas tu, we headed to the canteen balik. so, aku beli air but not food sebab tak rasa nak makan. beberapa hari ni memang aku rasa hilang selera makan sampai hilang 2kg. entah why. masa aku duduk minum dekat meja kitorang. he came with his fellow friends. kay, tak cakap pun dengan dia. crowded bahh. banyak sangat orang. lagipun aku ni pemalu orangnya. haha. sila tampar. slap slap. aku just curi curi pandang dia ,actually takdelah curi sebab aku rasa dia tahu aku tengok dia. lepas tu, kitorang trio balik ke kelas. and then syafiq datang panggil dia but dia tak datang. heh. melawa la tu. haha. lepas tu lepas tu and lepas tu, dia g kat depan. so, tetiba je, aku termenung,terdiam terkaku apa entah banyak lagilah. syafiq yang tengah dating dengan Niesa pun tengok aku semacam. so dia suruh aku jumpa mamat tu. Niesa pulak argue. 'ehh, apa kes pompuan jumpa laki ?  lakilah yg patut jumpa pompuan.' lepas tu syafiq cakap, 'kau nak aku panggil dia ke ? meh aku panggil' so aku ckp tak payah tak payah. aku tak tahu nak cakap apa nanti. ' so,aku sambung bermenung. syafiq still tak puas hati.dia cakap, kang menyesal. daripada kau merana baik jumpa. haha. meranaaa ? macam kena tinggal laki. -.-' haha. and then rin datang. dia cakap, dia tu tadi, tanya kat syafiq,aku kat mana. ehh, sibuk pulak nak tahu aku kat mana. ingat tak nak ambil tahu dah tadi. so, malam tu, Hyung texted aku. bila aku cakap what happened, dia pulak yang naik emo. haha. aku okay je pun. just rasa ada kekurangan je. macam hari ni. ada suatu rasa terpencil kat lubuk hati tu. memang macam ada yang kurang. maybe sebab first time, lepas ni lama-lama biasalah tu. so, Jumaat ni, aku pergi lawatan pengawas ke Kuching. rasa nak beli something for his upcoming birthday. aku tahu masih awal lagi. but, mana tahu jumpa something yang best best kat kch, so getting him one. :) okay, sangatlah jarang bagi aku untuk mengeluarkan duit untuk seseorang kecuali Niesa and diri aku sendiri je. haha. so, that's all. ciao. Goodnite. Sleep well, sweet dream, smile and enjoy your life. :)

Chase Dreams That's The Spirit

Assalamualaikum all. :) how are ya ? okay, hari yang cerah,and hampir pukul 12 but dapur belum berasap lagi. -.-' kays still kenyang lepas makan separuh mangkuk mi kolok sup and separuh pinggan mi goreng kerana kelaparan yang tidak tertahan. kau ada ? heks. :) dah dah merapu lagi bebanyak. sila menyampah. ^^
sebenarnya, aku nak story pasal something that i just knew this morning,whereby suatu berita yang aku terima masa aku belum mandi and belum segar dan masih ambik mood untuk menjalani hari ini dengan gumbira.tetapi, as soon as i heard that news, i was like.....oooo-ing and ummm-ing.  okay, bila nak sampai kepada point asal. straight to the point please. yeah yeah. Wan hyung ckp, he's going to JB. okay, bukan hyung aku yang pegi,but him,The One Who Should Not Be Named . kays. macam Voldermort pulak dahh. first2 memang i was kind of, terkejut. rasa nak mengalir ayeq mata pun ada naaa. <---ni yang aku benci nak ngaku ni. tak maco tak maco. :'( haha. actually, perasaan aku macam terbahagi tau dak ? firstly, i was like, finally ! dia dpt pursue his dream. i mean, bukan la form 6 tak baik. just. in my school, peluang pekerjaan for form 6 is just ustaz and ustazah, about religion. kays, bukan tak baik kerja tu, baik, but kalau bukan minat dia, kan payah gak. hmm. and satu lagi, aku dapat menafikan spekulasi yang dibuat oleh niesa berkenaan dia. dapat jugak aku buktikan bahawa lelaki itu bisa menjamin masa depan. :') kekeke~ kay, niesa asyik nak kutuk lelaki tu depan aku tauu. i mean, i know, she wants the best for me as her friend. but,yeah. hati aku dah kat dia. acanne acanne ? -.-' and at one side ,i was like, lepas ni, takde la aku nak tersenyum senyum tersengih macam kerang busuk lagi. konfem wangi je. ngeheehehe~ see, i'm going to miss you. (*kay harap kau tak baca. sangat tak cool) sekarang kisah aku dah macam drama korea pulak dahh. bezanya,bila aku f2f dengan dia, memang tiada kata kata yang terungkap. :) haha. kays tu je aku nak share. ringan jugak rasa hati ku ini. fuhh lega~ kay bye !

Kisah Hati Ohh~

Assalamualaikum.:) huaaaa~ blog, readers, rindu aku tak ? tak ? *nah amik kau aku lempang karang !*okay2. tak buat betul2 pun. saja je.kays,stop merapu.hari ni pun aku naik gila entah kenapa .stress kot. :/ minggu ni agak shocking buat aku. wonder why? hari isnin,okay,pegi sekolah and balik macam biasa. hari pagi, okay lagi, lepas tu, ajak kawan pi tengok fixie budak kat depan blok pentadbiran and suddenly, pandangan aku tertumpu kepada seseorang yang lengkap berpakaian uniform sekolah,lantas aku berlari sekuat hati menuju ke kelas tanpa menoleh ke belakang.-.-'okay,buat ayat lengkap macam karangan BM. so,ringkasnya,he entered our school. yeah yeah. which I never expect ever . okay,bayangkan bila crush korang yang korang selalu contact, and now,you're going to see him everyday,what you're gonna feel? as for me,aku rasa macam nak ada super power halimunan je. hey,malu la weyy. :'( sobbssobbs. so,on Wednesday,kitorang stay petang. Syafiq told me he sent his regards. okay, so I replied.heh berdosa tak jawab salam. okay,bila nampak dia terserempak whatever, i was like, 'ohhhh,what imma gonna do?' 'what should i say ?' .and automatically,my face would turn all red.okay,kelemahan bila berkulit cerah.people will always know when you're blushing and automatic, orang dapat guess siapa you suka.serious,masa tu macam nak benamkan kepala dalam tanah. but masa ni,memang aku tak contact diapun, sebab phone dia hilang entah whereabout. so,syafiq tanya,eh, nak aku tolong ke? so aku cakap takpayah la.and syafiq replied, ehh,alang2 la.takkan korang dua mesej je? okay,kwn aku ni thought yg that guy and me couple,but i said no. so, aku cakap balik, mesej ? ehh,mana de mesej lagi. phone dia kan hilang hari tu ?so,syafiq ckp, ohh,betul jugak. aku lupa. eh, kau ada number kakak dia tak ? dia pakai number kakak dia karang ni. aku jawab, ada. kakak dia penah contact aku dulu,tanya something. actually, bkn benda penting pun. heks. tu je la perbualan kitorang sebab si niesa memang tak setuju aku dgn dia. okay okay. aku faham. -.-' okay, that's all aku nak cerita. kay tipu. actually banyak lagi. butyeah, spm candidates,tak boleh update bebanyak ! so, bubbye!